Mastering the Mystery Of TRUE Self-Love

Okay, let’s get right down to the point with a pointed question. Do you REALLY love yourself?  No, this is not a trick question or a question that is intended to make you feel guilty, shameful or embarrassed.  I sincerely ask you this question so that I can prompt you to think about what TRUE self-love and assess whether you have it in your life or not.  I also hope to offer you a new perspective that will potentially change your life forever.

If my question is hard to answer it comes as no surprise.  Why?  Because “self-love” has been a hot topic of attention for the last few decades and has turned into a stand-alone buzzword.  As popular as this word has become nobody can give you a good definition of what “self-love” truly is.  Let’s first look at society’s vague definition of self-love.

 

Societies Definition of Self-Love

 

Societies definition of self-love comes down to an overly simplified statement that admonishes us to “love ourselves for who we are and to not try to be something that we are not”.  Awesome! I truly do appreciate this definition (at least on a superficial level) and quite frankly I agree with it!  But if our goal is to truly love ourselves we are going to have to dig a little deeper.

 

A “Big-Picture” Definition of Self-Love

 

The conventional definition of self-love tells us to love ourselves for “who we are”, but who in the hell are “we” in the first place?  I will often ask my clients “who they are” and 100% of the time they give me the deer in the headlight look.  It instantly confuses them because the question is so vague!  Let’s get a tad bit more specific, shall we?

As humans it’s easy to fall into the trap of viewing ourselves as one-dimensional.  “I’m just and average guy/gal”, or my personal favorite, “I’m only human”, as though we are pathetic, weak, and full of limitations!  Sheesh…we are only human so I guess we aren’t capable of much right?  WRONG!

You are MULTI-DIMENSIONAL, which makes you a brilliant, resilient, and completely capable human being that is only limited by your own thoughts that stem from conditioned beliefs.  So if you ever find yourself sitting in my office and I ask you “who you are”, here is what I expect you to say:

“I am a powerful human being that has PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, MENTAL, and SPIRITUAL needs”. Now we are getting to the essence of who you really are.   Once you understand this concept you can truly begin to blossom and crush any addiction or amp up a limited mindset.  Can you feel me on this?  Most people are only taking care of surface needs and ignoring the deeper needs that often get glazed over by society.

When we ignore our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs we often replace those needs with food addictions or other addictions to help us cope with our unmet needs.  For the remainder of this article I want to briefly touch upon these needs so that you can truly fall in love with yourself and life free of food addiction and psychological warfare.

 

Happiness & Contentment…Your Ultimate Destination!

 

Many times in my coaching career I have asked my clients, “What drives you in life…why are you here?”.  They again get the deer-in-the-headlight look slip into a state of bewilderment.  I then explain that the ultimate of objective of life is a lot less complicated than we make it. Basically our whole objective in this life is to be HAPPY!  For some reason we complicate this very basic truth by comparing ourselves to others, not feeling “worthy” and generally making life harder than it should be.

Why is this so hard for us?  In short, there are two very powerful reasons:

 

Reason #1: We don’t know what we want OR we are afraid to admit our desires to ourselves and to others.

What do YOU want out of this life?  Can you tell me without hesitation WHAT you want and WHY you want it?  If you cannot I can promise you that you are setting yourself up for addictions, and a life of frustration.  Why?  Because as human beings we ALL have a reason for existing on this planet.  This reason drives us and inspires us, unless we allow ourselves to get caught up in societal and cultural expectations which cause us to lose sight of our inner desires and passions.  When this happens, we resort to food, sugar, drugs or alcohol in a futile attempt to cover up what is missing in our lives.

So I ask you…what do you want?  Really…what do you want!?  If you take a moment and dig deep you will find the answer.  When you find that answer, my next question is WHY?  Why are you not living your true desires?  Is it because they are not “realistic”, or is it because you are not “capable” of living them out?  Whatever your reasons, I can assure you that they are blocking your forward progress and making it impossible to live the life of freedom and

enjoyment.  Addiction will never be solved until you are HONEST with yourself and embrace you’re your desires, wants and needs.

 

Reason #2: We forget that we can only be happy AFTER we have satisfied our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs.

 

I once coached a guy named Bill that was “successful” in worldly terms…in other words he was rich.  But although Bill was rich financially he was physically, emotionally, and spiritually bankrupt.  Oftentimes he would break down and cry because in his words he was, “lacking something”, but he could not put his thumb on it.  He had fallen for societies definition of success and was miserable as a result.  Bill had never considered that his diet, his exercise routine alongside his mental and spiritual practices could actually have a profound impact on his happiness and well-being.

 

You Are What You Eat…A Clichéd Statement or Immortal Truth? 

 

You have no doubt heard the statement, “you are what you eat” and you have likely given it no thought because it has become so clichéd.  But what if I were to ask you about your liver, your heart and your brain?  What are these life-giving organs made of?  Do they spontaneously generate from the air that you breathe?  Does your body make them out of nothing?

If you were to take a quick glance into your brain you would quickly find that you have 3 big players that either make you feel like crap, of make you feel wonderful.  The players are dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine.  Although the names are not important, it is important to know that these neurotransmitters prefer balance and harmony.

When you consume junk food your blood sugar shoots up.  When this happens you it immediately depletes your brains key “feel good” neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, norephinephrine, and GABA.  In addition your B-vitamins (which are needed to make your feel good hormones/neurotransmitters) are also depleted, not to mention magnesium and other key enzymes!

So what does this mean in real life?  This means that so called “comfort foods” are nothing of the sort.  They may bring you temporary comfort in the moment but will leave you feeling angry, hungry, anxious, frustrated, and depressed in the long run.  In other words you TRULY ARE WHAT YOU EAT!

So if junk food is capable of making us feel like crap the question needs to be asked, “can I truly love myself for who I am when I am tired, lethargic, and depressed?”  In reality, true self love requires a strong body and mind that is only attainable through whole/natural foods that do not alter our brains natural chemistry.  So the next time you are tempted to binge eat, ask yourself, “do I want to build my brain and my emotions from soda pop, or from a cage free egg?”  The truth is that your decision will have a profound effect on whether you can truly love yourself.  As a food addict I know the decision may be hard in the moment…I get it, but I can assure you that it will get easier with every wise decision that you make.

 

Should I Sleep or Should I Exercise:  Finding True Balance

 

Have you ever been in bed snoozing away and indulging yourself in a dream that you wish was reality?  Your bed is warm and you are oh so comfortable!  Suddenly with earth-shattering force you hear your alarm clock spiral out of control and dash your dreams to pieces.  Dream over…reality on!  You quickly remember that you have set a goal to exercise 3 times per week at 5:30 in the morning and now you have a decision to make.

“Should I get up and stay true to my goal or should I sleep in for another hour because I am tired, and worn out?”  Conventional wisdom would tell you to get your ass out of your bed and get after it…the very sentence I have heard Personal Trainers use for years!  But is this really sound advice?  The answer is, it DEPENDS!

If Americans were to place sleep, decompression, and self-time on a totem pole you would quickly find it sitting near the floor!  For as much as we worship and pride ourselves for our fast-paced lifestyle we have yet to accept the hard fact that there is a price to be paid for our negligence.

How does this relate to true happiness you ask?  Glad you asked!  To make a very complex physiological picture more simple I want you to consider the idea that your body can only feel good when its hormones, neurotransmitters, and level of inflammation is balanced.  When we get sucked into the typical American whirlwind of “go-go-go” we often forget that there is a heavily physiological price to pay .

On of the most heavily taxed gland/hormone in your body is your adrenal glands which are responsible for secreting adrenaline and cortisol.  These are known as “stress hormones” because they are secreted by your body when you are under stress.  This is not a bad thing because we humans are designed to experience stress, but we are NOT designed to live in excessive states of stress 24/7.  In case your wondering…that is exactly what our typical American lifestyle does.

When we get in this mode we turn on our fight or flight mode…and keep it on!  This is disastrous because our fight or flight mode which is responsible for regulating our stress hormones begins to burn out when it does not have a chance to relax and recuperate.   The medical term for this is Adrenal Fatigue or Adrenal Exhaustion and it literally PLAUGING our nation as we speak.  Some experts tell us that up to 80% of us “westerners” are suffering from Adrenal Fatigue to one extent or another.

When we get into adrenal fatigue we feel like crap and we ironically turn to the foods that supposedly give us energy…sugar, carbs, coffee, tea, and caffeine pills.  This further drives the problem and forces us to reconcile with the fact that WE CANNOT LOVE OURSELVES authentically when we are burned out, stressed out and sleep deprived!  So if you are in bed and that alarm goes off at 5:30 A.M., turn that damn thing off, go back to bed and plan to workout at 5:30 P.M., after work!

 

The Bottom Line:  We Can Only Truly Love Ourselves When We Strive For True Balance!

 

Life is Good!

 

Griff