Do You Struggle with Perfectionism?

Two Simple Steps In Overcoming All-Or-Nothing Thinking

Hello my friends, It’s Griff here on a Monday afternoon and I have an observation for you…

Have you ever noticed that certain percentage of us humans are PERFECTIONISTS!?

In fact, if you are reading this chances are good that you might be one yourself!

And in case you are wondering, I am too!  As a matter of fact, I consider my perfectionism to be one of my greatest strengths, but it also happens to be my biggest flaw that brings me physical, emotional and even spiritual pain.

The Pain of Perfectionism…

It is always interesting to work with clients with such a variety of personalities.  Some of the happiest clients that I have worked with are NOT perfectionists and yet they still get great results and enjoy life!

On the other hand some of the most miserable people that I work with tend to be perfectionists.

At the point I want to remind you that I too am a perfectionist so I get it…it seems to be built into our DNA and we feel guilty if we deviate from it.  Does this ring true for you?

As for a point of clarification here, I see most perfectionistic thinking commonly manifested as “ALL-OR-NOTHING” thinking, which I believe to be a sub-component of perfectionism.

Giving Into Your Temptations…

I remember back to my early 20’s when I was really getting into health and fitness.  I was (and still am) a recovering sugar addict and I was burdened day in and day out with the temptation of sugar in ANY form.

One night I was experiencing terrible cravings and I so happened to be visiting my parents at the time watching a Utah Jazz game.  During half-time (pre-DVR fast forward) I slipped down into their basement where I knew they stored a big 5 gallon bucket of raw honey…my favorite!

I remember taking a big spoonful of honey (I know, I know, it’s disgusting huh?) and being lit up by the sheer pleasure of it…yikes…I knew I was screwed from that point on.

I was about 5 tablespoons into my binge when I looked up and saw the silhouette of my father approaching me.  I hurried and scrambled as I chucked the spoon under the stair well and came up with a crazy excuse…

“Yeah, Dad, I am just looking for my old hiking boots that I need for my hike on Monday.”

I did not have a hike on Monday, and I knew that my father was not stupid.  I felt like the 14 year old boy being busted for smuggling a Playboy under his bed and being approached by a steaming hot mother!

As silly as this story sounds, I can assure you that there are many more from where this one came from.

Why?

Because my all-or-nothing thinking has gotten the best of me for the better part of my adult life.  In fact as I write this I am wearing a T-shirt that one of my colleagues gave to me that say’s “Progression over Perfection”. It reminds me that I am on a journey called life that has its ups and downs and that it is OK!

Two Steps To Ease The Burden of All-or-Nothing Thinking…

There are TWO THINGS, two “brain hacks” if you will that have really helped me over the years that I want to share with you today.

The first is the POWER OF PERSPECTIVE.

As I matured I realized that despite my best efforts I was still in indeed a human being riddled with flaws and shortcomings, and as such I could do one of two things.

#1: I could cry and feel sorry for myself when I “messed up”, which I did and still do at times.

OR…

#2 I could stop my racing my for at least 3 seconds to step back and take in the big picture.

This is where I verbally coach myself.  Using the honey example I would say (after my binge), “Griff you just made a decision that your not very happy about, but at the same time I know that you are committed to health and fitness and I know you are not stupid.  You are going to finish out this binge with a smile on your face and then re-commit to the things that are important to you WITHOUT the guilt and the shame”

I will then go on to draw a big picture for myself that minimizes the decision that I just made.  This helps me feel okay about my poor decision because it is a mere blip on the radar.

The second concept that helps me is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and SELF-FORGIVENESS despite my flaws…

Hell hath no fury greater that the self-contempt that broods in the soul of the perfectionist when things go south.

Think about it…you likely say things to yourself that you would never say to another human being, including your worse enemy, but somehow, some way it is okay that you are saying those things to yourself right?

When I came to understand the concept of unconditional love towards myself, I started to ease the tension that inevitably builds when I “mess up”

Now this may sound easy to do, but  if you are a perfectionist you know darn well that is it not. Self-shaming and self-loathing are the “noble acts” that we perfectionists hoist upon ourselves because “dammit, we know that we can perform better and there is NO excuse!”

That may be true, but without proper perspective and self-forgiveness the tension will continue to build until you reach what I call the “screw it point”.

The “Screw It Point”

The “screw-it point” happens to ALL all-or-nothing thinkers sooner or later.  We finally build up so much tension that we are almost forced to say, “screw it, I am just going to indulge and think about the consequences later”.

And without employing these two simple habits the cycle is likely to repeat.

So today my good friend I invite you to take my advice with these two steps and I want to hear how it has made an impact in your life.  I can promise you that it will at least help a little! 🙂

Life is Good…

Your friend

Griff