During this past month, I have been super stressed and even a little depressed. I even got sick, which NEVER happens to me. Don’t worry! No need to call the therapist yet! I am still here and still kicking, and things are getting better, but only after a few painful lessons along the way.
Today, I want to share with you WHY I have been feeling stressed out and depressed. My hope is that it will have just as much of a profound influence on your life as it has had on mine. I intend to be open, raw, and vulnerable here so, if it makes you squeamish, I apologize!
About two weeks back, I hit my low of lows. Business was not going well, everybody was sick, and I was obsessing about losing one of my primary corporate accounts. As a result of these happenings, I began to feel very fearful, so much so that I had a hard time sleeping, and I began to feel a knot in my stomach 24/7.
Rent seemed to come due faster than I could keep up, and every time I turned around, I had one of my trainers telling me, “I am sorry, but I just lost so-and-so as a client. They are done!” My clientele continued to tank, and my expenses seemed to enjoying the sport of hiking.
Great! Anything else, universe? Hello, Murphy!
I started to reflect on my life.
I am 39 years old, and turning 40 here in a few months. I started asking myself very empowering questions like, “Why haven’t you accomplished more, Griff?” “Why haven’t you reached your financial goals?” Hint: These really are not empowering questions . . .
I would go on and tell myself very affirmative statements, such as, “Griff, if you were smarter then you would not be in this mess,” or “Why aren’t you a more successful entrepreneur and public speaker?” It seems that all of my thoughts began to turn to the negative. I even went as far as wishing I was not born. Hint: These are not really affirmative statements.
“Why am I thinking this way,” I asked myself? In truth, I had no good answer, and I just chalked it up to going through a bad spell of life. But then I had to get real with myself. I was not just going through a bad spell; I was on a flat-out downward spiral that was pulling me deeper and deeper into negativity. I was in quicksand I did not even know it.
On the outside I was happy; “Life is Good,” I keep telling others and myself, yet something inside of me kept calling BS on it. WHY? I usually believe this statement? Why am I suddenly doubting myself and my very existence?
And then it dawned on me . . .
I had created multiple expectations of myself that I was not living up to!
I was doing ALL of the things that I teach my students to do. Create a vision! Say your affirmations! Have a plan! Etc., etc., etc.!
I was trying to be PERFECT, and I was being super hard on myself when I inevitably fell short of my perfectionistic expectations. I possessed no self-forgiveness, and I was trying to live up to the expectations of others as well. Nothing I did was good enough, I was not strong enough, smart enough, good looking enough, financially good enough, or a good enough public speaker.
And the weird thing? Everybody around me was just the opposite. They were just fine, but me? Hell no! I was the bottom of the societal barrel, baby!
I then had a reflective moment, and I asked a question that really shook me to my core. I asked, “I wonder if our ancestors living in the wilderness had the same problems?” Did they get down if they did not have as much money as they thought they “should” have? Did they get depressed if they did not look like a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model? Were they constantly comparing themselves to others and asking ridiculous questions like:
“Am I good enough?”
“Am I smart enough?”
“Am I good looking enough?”
“Do I make enough money?”
“What do other people think of me?”
“Does my house look as good as the neighbors . . . what about the grass?”
“Am I good enough for God or is He (or it) pissed at me all of the time?”
“Do I have too many wrinkles on my face, and what can I do about it? Botox, perhaps?”
“Am I appearing perfect in society, church and around my friends…or am I letting on to my weaknesses too much?”
“Am I keeping up on my public and social persona?”
“Is my wardrobe up to speed?”
“Is my car new enough?”
“Am I where I need to be with my career?”
“Is anybody mad at me?”
“Am I pleasing my parents, family, etc.”
“Am I living up to societal expectations?”
“Am I living up to my own expectations?”
And the freaking list goes ON AND ON AND ON! Lets get real with ourselves just for a second. When we play into this BS–and I do mean BS–we sign ourselves up for 100% MISERY! I know this for myself. WHY? Because I have lived in this fairy tale land, and it to be honest, it completely sucks when I get sucked into it and play its childish games.
Do you feel me here? Let’s be honest with ourselves. How many of the previous judgmental questions are you asking yourself? Are you trying to live up to everybody elses’ expectations? Are your expectations of yourself too harsh and judgmental? Would you treat your best friend the same way you treat yourself?
Chances are very good that the answer is YES if you live in the West. Why? Because this is what we do! Make no mistake about it. Whether we know it or not, we create the highest and most non-forgiving expectations of our society and ourselves in the world. The checklist is so high and so daunting that it is no wonder that we are depressed and popping pills while PRETENDING that we are happy.
Is it really working for us?
Am I generalizing here? Of course, and I am fully aware that there are many exceptions to my rant here. BUT, I am fully convinced that the vast majority of our society falls into these high expectations, and, therefore, become depressed and anxious as a result.
Am I saying that we should just forget about our responsibilities and be lazy? Of course not. But I know for myself that life becomes much more enjoyable when I stop WORRYING about every little thing and just LET LIFE HAPPEN!
When I operate from a place of non-resistance, and I drop my phony expectations, things start to change for me–every time with no exceptions. When I stop obsessing about my bank account and work from a place of inspiration and confidence in myself, it magically starts to grow. Weird! When I stop obsessing about how few speaking engagements I am getting, and I allow life to take me where it wants, I usually get more . . . intriguing!
Does this really happen? Can I just “let go” and life magically becomes more pleasurable?
The short answer: YES!
The long answer, in my opinion, is that we human beings are designed to live life that way! We are designed to “let life happen” instead of trying to control every little detail. When I operate from this space, life becomes more rich and meaningful and a lot less depressing. When I drop my ego, which subtly dictates how life “should be” and operate from my “Higher Self,” life always becomes lighter and much more enjoyable.
So the question is this: Can we really take this leap of faith? Is life truly going to fall apart without trying to fall in line and live up to 25,000 self-imposed (and phony) expectations? Are we going to fall behind and become less relevant?
NO, you will become MORE relevant and find more peace and contentment in your life because you are now living from a place of REAL happiness. Wouldn’t it be nice to give up the pretend happiness and replace your plastic smile with a real one? It’s easy to do when you just allow life to happen, the “good” and the “bad.”
Nothing in this world is more stressful and emotionally draining than trying to be something that you are not!
So here you have it. I officially give you permission to start living from a place of authenticity. A place of self-love. A place of self-respect for your TRUE, deeply guarded self! The part of you that wants to express but has only been REPRESSED! It’s okay to let that part of yourself out!
I make the same commitment to myself. It is time to be real and honor that part of MY BEING that continually gets ignored and set to the side that “person” that everybody else wants me to me. NOPE. Sorry! I still love ya, but that ain’t gonna happen! It’s time to be ME!
Come and join me! I promise your life is about to change!
Life is Good, when you are true to your TRUE SELF! ?
Much love,
Griff